A new year and a new post. Happy 2020 everyone! In this entry I feel it's best to go over the events of last year so I can see where I was, where I am and where I'm going. This was going to be a very long entry covering pretty much everything but I think I'll do this in 2 parts.
Part I
I went to a handful of concerts last year, all in different conditions. I went to see The 1975 with my partner in January and it was one of the happiest nights of my life. In March, I saw Twenty One Pilots and that was the first concert I had ever attended solo! The anxiety was strong, yes, and I was very aware that a lot of people there were nearly 10 years younger than me. Alas, I had a good night and accomplished attending a concert solo (something I've always wanted to do but never felt ready for.) June saw Belsonic arrive and at this festival, on separate nights, I saw Slash and I saw Hozier. I'm not a huge Slash fan but I went with my oldest brother to keep him company since he is a big fan. The night was abysmal in terms of weather and thankfully we didn't stay too long. Hozier, thought, was amazing. I saw him with my partner (this time we stayed overnight in Belfast) and really had a lot of fun in lovely weather. I hope this year to keep going to concerts since they do expose me to otherwise uncomfortable situations that I need to get used to. I can feel myself becoming better when it comes to interacting with people. Concerts also help me get out a lot of stress, so that's important too!
The other large social events I attended last year were races! I did a handful of 10K races (Glenarm Castle in April, Storming the Castle [Carrickfergus] in August and Larne in September) and one 5K race (Run In The Dark (Belfast) in November). The big one was the Larne Half Marathon in March. If you had asked me the year before if I would ever be running a half marathon, I'd have laughed in your face. It definitely wasn't easy and it took a lot of preparation in training both my body and my mind. I had to convince myself I would be able to do it because as far as I was concerned, there was no chance I could ever run such a distance (in the physical sense). When I did complete it though, with my feet destroyed from ill-fitting shoes and my body broken, I felt such a high. I had accomplished something. Every time I complete a race, I've accomplished something and for someone who hasn't accomplished much in her life in regards to academia or getting a job, house, married etc; it was a pretty big deal for me to accomplish this.
I had 3 New Year's Resolutions last year:
- Get a tattoo
- Complete a half marathon
- Lose 1 stone
As I've said, I completed the half marathon so that's one resolution down. The first one, getting a tattoo, was a somewhat easier task. The only thing I had to do was be sure of what I wanted and where it was going. A few different ideas have went through my head in recent years when it comes to tattoos: different quotes, images, different body areas... and so on. I settled on my right wrist. I figure of all places, I've already "destroyed my arms" anyway with scars - a tattoo won't exactly disfigure it any more. So my inner wrist was the location. What did I want? I needed something I wouldn't "grow out of" and something I've been considering for a long time.
I started listening to the Manic Street Preachers when I was a teenager and my depression was really starting to hit hard. I could connect easily with the lyrics by Richey James Edwards because of the mutual feelings and so their songs became quite meaningful to me. There are many quotes that I could have chosen but I didn't want anything "inappropriate" or that I would have to explain too much. What I decided on was:
From the song "Faster". I've had this just over a year now and I've never looked at it and regretted it. I've looked at it and paused for thought at times. I've looked at it and felt proud, especially of the fact that it's covering over - but not really - scars that I've had for many years. It was only able to be tattooed over the very old scars with no raised or red parts.
As for the 3rd resolution... let's just say, it's been carried on into this year!