Since I last wrote on here, I got a little void kitten:
Okay, perhaps little isn't the right word to describe him. He's huge at 7 months now.
I've never met such an affectionate cat. He naps with me in the afternoons, greets me with meows, sits on my lap and stares into my eyes, it's adorable. I feel like Jelly would be proud of him, though he hasn't brought back any kills yet...
I'm in my second (and final) year of the HND Applied Science (Biology) course. We've all applied to universities and I've received an offer for Biomedical Science from the University of Ulster in Coleraine. The issue with that is that it's Coleraine. I also applied to QUB but I'm yet to hear back. I always aspired to going there, it seemed so out of reach when I was younger. "There's no way I'll get in there, I better apply somewhere else". I was right then, but it wasn't the right time anyway.
I'm somewhat used to the train now, though I still get anxiety attacks on the busier trains. That can't be helped, but I do plan to persevere with the course I'm doing and get another year of full distinctions. I can't do that if I can't get up to the college.
Speaking of travel, now that I'm feeling more confident (and mainly because my Irish passport was nearly refused as ID when drinking in Belfast), I applied for a driving licence. No luck yet. They sent me out medical forms for the doctor to fill in and send back, so I don't know how that's going, but it seems to be taking so long I'm not sure I'm going to get it.
I should mention about the knee injury. Since last June/July time, I've had pain in my knees (more my left than my right) going up and down stairs, running, bending down, etc. X-ray didn't show anything, but it's just been getting progressively worse. Next step is an MRI. Obviously this means I haven't been able to go running, my main stress relief method. That's just made the risk of cutting or overdosing much greater when I've been in high stress situations. In fact, I have been cutting more than I was. My attitude towards my body has reverted somewhat also to viewing it as something I can damage without repercussions. Just a piece of meat, I suppose.
Well, I've been actively trying to change the view I have of myself. I've made it one of my New Year's Resolutions this year to love myself more. I've been doing yoga as a way of staying active since I can't run (although there are some positions in it I can't do either without a jolt of pain). I've been concerned about my rising weight but at the same time trying now to be too harsh on myself about it. I've been reading more to take up time that would otherwise be spent ruminating over stupid things I've done that make me feel like crap.
Of course, I've been spending a lot of time working on college assignments, and being kind to myself regarding that, reminding myself how well I'm doing. I'm still amazed I can do this.
As for how I've been feeling in general lately, as I said, don't ask me. I've been concentrating too hard on other things to think about the bigger things going on in my life. I know I'll have to at some point, I know I'll have to face things that have happened, but I don't know if I can devote myself to that just yet. Push it down.